By Mary Asujo
Maria Namutebi a mother of three and a single mother is unsettled after her 14- year old teen girl ran away with a hooligan and abandoned education. Namutebi narrates how she caught her daughter talking with this man whom she accuse of misleading her. When her grandfather tried talking to her, the teenager ran berserk and since then, she is rare at home and wants nothing to do with her family. When Maria reported the case to police, the man was arrested but released afterwards. Namutebi is now worried because living in a slum, her girl might either get pregnant or contract HIV.
Betty biira a mother of two and a counselor in Mutungo Kampala, says that there are several parents experiencing such frustrations and there is nobody to rescue them. She advises parents facing this kind of situation to sit down with their daughters and talk to them about the realities of life and the implication of refusing education instead of hiding behind shame.
Parents and caregivers should remember that the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on teenagers is real. Teenagers are understandably frustrated as they miss out on group activities, sporting events, hanging out with best friends at school and more. For those teenagers that may have just started to date or to drive a car, these rites of passage have been dramatically taken away while families are on lockdown. During lockdown, teenagers may swing from boredom and frustration to turning nervous and angry, while dabbling in other emotions along the way.
According to Biira, this story represents thousands of teen girls in Uganda. These are some of the challenges that come with COVID-19 because if children were in school all these would be reverted. Joyce Nkunda a mother and lawyer, says that as a parent, never lose hope but always ensure that you consult other parents who have daughters on how they do it. Remember there is no formula on learning, you might discover that there is something unique what the other mother did to tame her teen girl or boy that can help you in handling such a situation. “As a mother, we don’t have to run away from this task but exercise a bit of patience and slowly by slowly you will get there. You are not the first and last parent to experience this problem many are in it,” says Nkunda.
Pauline Mutuuzo a businesswoman from Seeta, Mukono District, adds that it’s difficult to contemplate what each parent goes through. Many of the teenagers are at home due to the challenges that come with COVID-19. Many people are actually worried about their children, on how they will keep socially distanced while some parents are worried others are already facing the pain that comes with having a teen girl. Take it or leave it, the lockdown has been hard on them; deprived them of their friends, uncertainty over exams, and some are worried about job prospects in a post-pandemic situation.
Tips on how to cope with a teenager this lockdown
There is a lot of anxiety among teenagers right now, but parents can take significant steps to help them. Some teen girls are also dealing with illnesses, or loss of income within their families. For those who may already have struggled with anxiety or depression, the pandemic has disrupted treatment. Some may be depressed as well as anxious, and turned or returned, to self-harming. Here are some tips to cope with such situations.
Engage them on change factor
The most important thing is to reassure your girl that they will cope with the changes. It is really good to have more practice with change as everyone faces change throughout their lives. Those who handle it best and can go with the flow, will often save themselves a lot of unhappiness and heartache.
Discuss their future
Nobody can predict the future and if teenagers try, they will often just put an anxious or negative spin on it to feed their worry. Discuss with them how they can prepare themselves for their future, rather than worry about it. Engage in some fund-raising for future prospects, enroll in guitar classes, and exercise regularly to boost the body immunity system. You could talk to your teen girl about important factors employers look for other than academic grades such as team working, good communication skills, knowing your own strengths and weaknesses, hard work and how your teen can demonstrate those good qualities.
Use the lockdown to nurture your friendship
Think of something young people think of; something they have in common with a friend. For example; if they both like exercise, they may want to take it in turns each week. Be that friend. If they are both bored, ‘they’ could discuss a new skill, they could learn together such as a sign language or cooking a new recipe. Doing an activity together tends to lead to enjoyment and happiness. Fill that gap.
Go outdoors
Exercise and getting outdoors is crucial. Discuss the importance of going out of the house for daily exercise and contacting someone outside their household daily so that they are practicing some social skills for when lockdown eases and social contact occurs face-to-face again. This exposure is small but it helps prevent total avoidance of social contact, and will aid in reducing anxiety in a teenager.
Don’t worry, get a life
To teenagers; there is no point in spending time worrying about things we can’t change. So, if you find yourself doing this, you need to jump off the loop; engage your mind with something else -talk with a parent, ring a friend, engage in a hobby or skill. Just focus on the activities while doing it and don’t let the thoughts of the past consume you. Instead, think about the future.